Scream-ing In A Cabin. In the Woods.

The Cabin In the Woods could be renamed Scream 3.0.  That’s version, not part and I think it a very important distinction.  I thought most, if not all of the Scream sequels were more than a little dull, as most attempts to recapture lightning in a bottle end up with a few flickering fireflies in a jar dying of oxygen deprivation. 

The Cabin In the Woods works in catching lightning and lets it out of the bottle.  After a little time away from it, I think maybe the lightning didn’t strike quite as well as it could.  But who can aim lightning, right?

First off: Scream.  I enjoyed because it was a horror film in what was a very dry time for horror films. Quick, make a list of good horror films in the early 90’s.   In the Mouth Of Madness and… and… New Nightmare?  Maybe, but not really.  Carnosaur 3?  The Dentist?  Vampire in Brooklyn?  With the exception of a few decent straight to video releases there wasn’t much to see.

For all the geek-funny talk of horror film “rules” and clichés, for all the awareness of the medium, Scream was good because it was scary.  The teenagers in the film were all beautiful and slick and damaged beings just surviving life and hoping not to run into a ghost faced killer.  And, of course, they do. 

And they deal with it the way the culture dictates you deal with it.  You listen to grunge music, party, and have semi-meaningful conversations with friends about pop culture.  And it’s entertaining, I mean, who didn’t laugh about the Richard Gere gerbil thing at what was a semi-poignant moment of the film?

But it was also scary. Do we really believe that event with gerbils actually happened?  I don’t.  But because the culture said so, we believe it.  And the beautiful damaged kids in Scream show how the culture turned them into what they are.  Killers.  Victims.  Survivors. 

In fact, look at the cast and try not to escape the 90’s sounding off every frame like a forgotten Sponge song.  Courtney Cox before she was a cougar.  David Arquette when he was just a strange, funny dude.  Skeet Ulrich before he gave Johnny Depp’s face back.  Henry Winkler getting killed.   

The Cabin in The Woods is a better film.  It’s more thoughtful and much funnier and shows the shift of horror movie in-jokes.   It’s true that the less you know going into it, the better the movie will be, but for sheer entertainment value horror fans could get behind this whether or not somebody spoiled it for them. 

I won’t get into a recap of the film, if ever it was unnecessary to do a recap it’s right now.  Like Scream, Cabin In the Woods wants to make a statement about horror movies.  Joss Whedon has willed a cult classic into existence.  Has that ever happened?  Maybe Bubba Ho-Tep, but that only because Bruce Campbell was in it, and Bubba certainly didn’t have much to say about the genre, as fun as it was.

 In Scream, the statement was “don’t follow the rules” and in Cabin, the statement is, “You don’t have a choice.”  So in that aspect, the young people in Cabin are definitely more doomed. 

We find out pretty early (not so much from the film but from the endless media surrounding it in every direction) that the slasher bait is being manipulated into the icons of horror movies cemented years ago.

  We could quibble here about the logic of this.  How does this institution put this very specific group together?  How do they manipulate their visit to the cabin? Why do they need an rv to go to a cabin?  The arrangements are astounding and complex and don’t really hold up to much deep thought.  Ask a few what if questions and it will start to break down. 

Director Drew Goddard and writer Joss Whedon give us the idea that his institution is so big and labyrinthine that it could do whatever it needs to do to orchestrate events in their favor. It also works because the puppet masters are so human in their roles, so ordinary and real.  They’re middle aged, not in great shape, dealing with marital issues, and listen to REO Speedwagon when they celebrate.  It’s all mundane and funny. 

The horror movie references in Cabin are consistently surprising, subtle and very funny.  If you were a fan of the J-horror craze a decade or so chances are you cheered the stringy haired Asian girl hanging in mid-air in front of a classroom of terrified schoolchildren.  I didn’t cheer, but nodded meaningfully.

Ok, I cheered. 

And if you like horror movies there is much more to cheer.  Don’t get me wrong, this movie takes fun to a whole new level.  And I haven’t even discussed the gory parts…

But Joss Whedon so often wants things both ways and doesn’t make a serious decision about anything.  So many people tell me how much I should love Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I can’t get behind it because Whedon consistently refuses to take a stand on anything.  The show always seemed like tepid horror dressed as an updated after school special with clever dialogue.  Firefly is a much better effort, but I want to focus on the horror genre.

And this is where I have a problem with Cabin.  The premise is so outstanding – we are sacrificing the beautiful young people to appease the ancient ones (yay Lovecraft!) so they won’t kill us all.  That is dark stuff and never explored. 

Cabin is a satire-comedy dressed up as horror, where Scream was a horror movie dressed up as a comedy.  I mean, the only visible parent in Scream was a distraught father obviously caught up in mourning his wife.  The kids were all sacrificed in the name of… what?  I don’t know, but make no mistake, those kids were sacrificed for something.  And it had everything to do with the parents.  When Sydney calls Billy a “mama’s boy” it may be funny, but there is a serious personal story behind that statement. 

Contrast this with Marty saying, “I’m sorry I let you get bit by a werewolf and ended the world.”  Yes, it’s hilarious in the moment.  But there is no personal story behind it.  As the “hero” of this film, I had hopes for him.  The closest he gets is remarking that it might be better for another species to take humanity's place if this sacrifice is the price of its continued existence.  Really?  So another species is going to come around and kick out the ancient ones and live in a utopia? Some alien is going to land their spacecraft and keep Cthullu on a chain, tether Dagon to a jetski  and put some other many tentacled creature to work making ipads?  

Yeah, I doubt it.

And the other characters fare little better.  While there are some clues in the beginning that maybe they are more than their stereotypes, they are still stereotypes.  The jock is still the jock, the stoner is still the stoner.  And not a whole lot more. Blame it on the Scream structure, it's hard to really care when one more pop culture reference will force its tongue all the way through the cheek.  

My hope for The Cabin In the Woods is blasphemous to most movie fans out there.  I want a sequel.  Actually, better yet, a prequel.  Let’s see how this thing gets started.  We could take a trip down horror movie hall of fame and link up every major moment. 

Knock down the third wall, and let’s hear from Jamie Lee Curtis, now older and hawking poop yogurt on Lifetime TV, see the horror in her eyes when she recalls not being able to kill Michael Myers.  Or Heather Langenkamp , now working for the institution that once killed her friends and stalked her with a knife fingered dream monster.

And all of it surrounding a story about four young people who are actually people. Let them find out early, like Plot Point number one,  that they are going to be sacrificed. As they are being chased and stalked by the boogie man of the moment, let the tension build as they realize that the fate of the world is in their hands.  Or in their blood.  All over the floor and walls. 

My guess is, it would probably not be as funny.  But I would be willing to take the chance.